Day 29: The Curse of Being Committed

June 17th, 2015

Joslyn Hamilton, freelance editor and writer, Salt Lake City, Utah

Phoebe has my hair color and Jon’s cowlicks.

I’m taking part in a 30-day writing experiment. See Kale & Cigarettes for details and the Facebook Group to read stories by other 500-words-ers.

I have an obnoxious habit of committing myself to pointless unnecessary things and then feeling like I can’t get out of them. When I lived in California this manifested as an overwrought social schedule that I was constantly whining about, but now that I’m in Utah and have no friends, I’ve had to manufacture a new schedule-choker. has fit the bill nicely.

As  I mentioned recently, I’ve been fixated on finding a mommy group to the point that I even started my own Meetup, Bohemian Mom’s Club of Sandy. It’s been successful in that there are now 35 members, and I’ve held an “event” (mainly stroller walks) every week for six weeks now. But it’s not really working out like I had hoped, since my entire motivation for starting the danged group was to meet my new best friend, and not only has that not happened, but I feel pretty confident that it’s not going to.

On top of that, although a good handful of people show up for the stroller walks I plan, no one ever shows for the other adventures I envision—things like going to Park City for opening day of the farmers market (my idea of a goddamned blast). At least a handful of people always RSVP “Oh totally! Love to!” and then no-show. Or, worse, one person does show up, and I then have to make awkward conversation with just that one person for a good solid hour.

I know that at least half of you are thinking, “You need to be more POSITIVE if you want to MANIFEST abundance” types of things, and to you I say this: you are reading the wrong blog.

The other, saner half of you are probably thinking that if I thought I was going to meet my soul mate through, I am dumb. And yes, this is true. But okay, I am exaggerating tremendously when I say was hoping to meet my “new best friend.” I was actually just hoping to meet one or two other women who I could see myself hanging out with on a regular basis. People with whom I might have things in common other than “recently made offspring.” And that has not happened.

But now that I have started the Meetup group, I feel beholden to it, like I have now committed myself to these (admittedly really nice) women and can’t flake out. Because flaking is the worst. The very, very worst. A devoted follower of the “I’d rather be right than happy” school of thought, I am determined not to be a flaker, no matter how many half-days I waste waiting around for people to show up for things or making baby-related conversation with women I have nothing else in common with.

Today, I organized a Meetup at Red Butte Gardens, a beautiful botanical garden in Salt Lake City. It’s a really lovely place to take babies on a stroller walk as you weave through terraced rose gardens, herb gardens, coniferous groves, and English gardens. It’s a 25-minute drive from Sandy—where I and most of the other moms live—which is more of a commitment than the neighborhood park, but at the same time, Red Butte Gardens is also more rewarding. And honestly, I am one of the only people in my mommy group with a fulltime job, so I feel like if I can make time for it (with twins, no less) probably a few of the other moms could, too.

But nobody showed up for this one. And honestly, I was relieved. My mom and I took the girls on a nice stroll during which I did not have to make conversation with a near-stranger about vapid baby stuff. Instead, I talked to my mom about vapid baby stuff, which was way more fun.

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