I’ve been subjected to spiritual speak enough to know a few things about Buddhism, and as far as I can gather, the most important quality a Buddhist obtains is the ability to love everyone, all the time, with utter and abject devotion—or at least to feel a general sense of global compassion for humanity. I can get down with this, in theory. Lying prone on my sweaty smelly yoga mat, my will destroyed after a bout of intense power yoga, I’ve had moments of complete Bhakti surrender where I truly understood the craving for world peace, one love, a global community working in harmony together to bring humanity to a whole new level of spiritual achievement and bliss.
But then, after class, someone really pissed me off. Maybe it was my stepmother, in the process of screwing my dad over after 30 years of marriage so she could be with someone else but still get half. Or my ex-boyfriend. Or just some asshole in traffic.
When it comes to humanity, I do wish the very best for it and all its participants… except my stepmother. I hope she gets hit by a bus. This is why I will never be a Buddhist.
Or so I thought.
Turns out, you can still be a petty, judgy, partial, self-involved person and still be a half-assed Buddhist. You can still drink, smoke, pop pills, overeat, sometimes gorge yourself on sugar, remain perpetually hooked on caffeine, lie occasionally when the situation really calls for it, and be entirely self-involved, and still be a half-assed Buddhist.
And here’s a little secret I’ve figured out: there’s a actually a loophole in the system. If you’re a half-assed Buddhist, guess what? You’re actually a real Buddhist. Because in some sense, a Buddhist is simply someone who is willing and able to take a step back from herself and witness, through a clear lens, what is really going on—without judgment. You simply notice, and then you try a little harder.
A half-assed Buddhist is never perfect. A half-assed Buddhist makes a lot of mistakes. But a half-assed Buddhist can look back at her mistakes and feel compassion for herself. Once she has truly tapped in to what it means to feel compassion, she has firmly started down the road to mindfulness.
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POP QUIZ
What is a Buddhist?
a) Someone who gets up at 5am every day to squeeze in an hour of meditation before her morning colonic
b) Someone who retweets Dalai Lama quotes like, a lot
c) Someone who never gets angry, sad, jealous or petty
d) All of the above
e) Someone who works to take a step back, periodically, from her crazy whirling life and simply notice what is going on, without judgment, and without constantly trying to fix herself and everything around her
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NEAR ENEMIES
In Buddhism, Near Enemies are behaviors that look Buddhist, but really aren’t. There are four sets of Near Enemies. This is the first: compassion versus pity. Compassion is a Buddhist virtue. Pity is its Near Enemy. In other words, Pity looks like Compassion, and smells like Compassion, and sometimes masquerades as Compassion, but deep down, it’s not Compassion. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s judgment. So next time you are feeling sorry for someone, ask yourself, am I being compassionate? Or am I judging them?
And then, when you realize that you are, in fact, judging them, the next step is to offer yourself compassion for being judgmental… not pity for being unevolved. If you can do this even sometimes, you’re already a half-assed Buddhist.
A surprising breath of air for my otherwise fraught Monday. Thanks!
This Buddh’s for you!!
I think you may have just coined a term, sir!
Love this piece Jossie! Meditating for MANY years now has not made me a better person, just more realistic. I do think, though, that without all those years of meditating, I would have set my hair on fire being the parent of a teenager. Maybe consider adding in some extra cushion time…I think it may come in handy… love you! Alice
LOVE LOVE LOVE! And I miss you! Ugh.