The Worst Advice I’ve Gotten About Twins

Don’t let kid stuff take over your living space.

Er. Why the heck not? We have a beautiful white canvas teepee in our living room, full of blue batik pillows handmade by my mom, with fabric we ordered together from an import company. Most of the girls’ books and toys are also in our living room, in beautiful baskets and wooden boxes. I love our crowded, chaotic, hectic living room that’s child-focused. I’d rather let kid stuff take over my living space than media or politics or the news.

Don’t be a short-order chef; make them eat what you eat

On some level I get this. No one wants to be cooking 6 meals a day just because the kids are picky. But the reality is that 2-year-olds and grown adults have different nutritional needs. My kids eat a lot more carbs than I do. I make sure they get veggies, yes, but they’re not really there yet with enjoying salad. The stringy nature of greens gags them, and I panic. They’re also pretty great eaters, but they won’t always handle a big chunk o’ beef the way I can put one down. And soup? Hahaha. My all time favorite winter food is a messy mystery to them. They can use a spoon, but they don’t always prefer to use a spoon. So far, they mainly eat ice cream and yogurt with their hands. I pick my battles.

Don’t dress them alike

I typically don’t, but sometimes, I do. Relax, it’s just cute once in a while. I am pretty sure they won’t end up in therapy. For this, anyway.

Sleep train them while they’re young

This is actually good advice and I sort of wish I had done a better job at it. But when one baby is screaming, you will do anything to prevent the other one from waking up. I like to think that with one kid, I would have been a sleep-training savant. The reality is, with two, your ability to let them “learn to self-soothe” is compromised.

Sleep when they sleep

Apparently you’ve met twins who sleep at the same time for their mom. Those were not my twins. The only time they sleep simultaneously for me is in the car, and I probably shouldn’t be sleeping while I drive, as tempting as that is. Even on the rare occasion that they sleep at the same time in the crib while I’m in charge, Murphy’s Law dictates that if I try to relax, they will wake up. The only way they’ll keep sleeping is if I nervously pace back and forth in the kitchen wondering how many cleaning tasks I can accomplish without making a lick of noise while they are napping. And on a related note, my favorite advice…

Sleep is more important than cleaning the house

Says someone who obviously has a maid, because have you ever put this theory to the test? On our best days, when I’m totally on top of everything, we run the dishwasher at least twice. The sink is always full. I can never find a clean baby bottle. The floor is a disaster, full of things to trip on and slip on. And that’s with me cleaning instead of napping. If I were to go straight to sleep after I put them to bed, I’d wake up to a den of iniquity.

And the final piece of sleep advice…

Don’t let them get attached to binkies

Cool, you want to come over and hold one of my kids while the other one cries? There is never going to be a night when Jon and I are like, “This seems like a good night to wean them off binkies.” Every night around here is more of a “pray they sleep tonight” kind of night. Speaking of Jon…

Make sure you make time for yourself and your husband as a couple

This is great advice and so essential and also totally not possible. I think Jon and I have gone on three dates since the girls were born. They were all awesome. Sigh. I do miss my husband.