This is why Leslie and Vanessa are my best girls. Recently I wrote an article for Elephant Journal called “Self-Righteous Vegans Just Make Me Want to Eat More Meat.” Oddly enough, the humorless radical vegan contingent (which is very different than the contingent of vegans with a sense of humor and an ability to relax… and yes, there is one) jumped all over it with 83 mostly irate comments educating me on the righteousness of vegan living. Again proving my point in some sort of inane circular way that could go on forever if I were to post another article of like ilk. I’m restraining myself, however.
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Instead, my brilliant friend Vanessa wrote a rebuttal for me: “Open Letter to the I’m-Not-Angry-It’s-Just-That-Joslyn-Hamilton-Is-Basically-Hitler People.” It’s pretty badass. You can read it on her blog. (Click on “thought.”)
What follows is the string of IMs that Leslie and Vanessa exchanged while Vanessa was brainstorming her article. They sent it to me later and I lolled pretty hard. If you read between the lines you can sense how much they love me.
[18:37] vanessafiola: what’s something horrible but not death
[18:38] leslie_munday: burn in hell
[18:38] vanessafiola: close…
[18:38] leslie_munday: tied to a stake?
[18:38] vanessafiola: quartered
[18:38] vanessafiola: burned at the stake
[18:38] vanessafiola: ?
[18:39] leslie_munday: quartered. hahahah
[18:39] leslie_munday: burned at the stake i meant
[18:39] leslie_munday: that’s good
[18:39] leslie_munday: crawl back under the rock she came out from under
[18:39] vanessafiola: waterboarded?
[18:39] leslie_munday: nah
[18:40] leslie_munday: maybe chinese water tortured
[18:40] vanessafiola: die a slow painful death
[18:40] leslie_munday: thats good
[18:40] leslie_munday: have her eyes scratched out
[18:40] vanessafiola: it’s just that joslyn hamilton is an evil, evil person
[18:40] vanessafiola: ?
[18:40] leslie_munday: or poked out
[18:41] leslie_munday: someone said that???
[18:41] vanessafiola: no
[18:41] leslie_munday: evil person
[18:41] vanessafiola: it’s for my blog
[18:41] leslie_munday: oh, okay.
[18:41] leslie_munday: rot in hell
[18:41] vanessafiola: it’s just that joslyn hamilton eats babies?
[18:41] leslie_munday: no
[18:41] leslie_munday: be beheaded
[18:41] vanessafiola: is a murderer?
[18:41] vanessafiola: this is really dark
[18:42] leslie_munday: it is dark. i like
[18:42] vanessafiola: and sort of hilarious
[18:42] leslie_munday: yep
The best part is how Leslie was going along with this for so long before she even knew why she was coming up with horrible things to do to me. Aw.
