Last week in my dharma class we were asked to pick one of the Five Precepts. Loosely stated, they are:
- Refraining from destroying living creatures
- Refraining from taking that which is not given freely
- Refraining from sexual misconduct
- Refraining from incorrect speech
- Refraining from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness
They are kind of like a hippie version of the Ten Commandments, and also very similar to the Yamas and Niyamas of yoga.
The idea was to choose one that makes the most sense for you, and focus on “trying” to follow it for a week. (Keyword: try)
I chose “Refraining from incorrect speech.”
The interesting thing about this experiment has been sorting through my intentions around the way I talk and the things I choose to say. For instance, I don’t necessarily think that swearing is grounds for losing points. In fact, I’ve always been a big fan of swearing for it’s colorful, dramatic flair, and I definitely don’t want to stop. Sometimes I try to swear less around small children, but for the most part I admire and respect women who swear candidly and with fervor.
And lying is not something I struggle with or find myself doing very often. Except… here’s the tough part… those “little white lies” we use to abstain from hurting someone’s feelings. We also use them (at least, I can only speak for myself) to avoid confrontation. This is a big one for me.
I loathe and abhor confrontation. I get shaky just thinking about the possibility. So if someone asks me something entirely innocuous, point blank, like, “Do you want to go to come over and hang out with me?” I have a very hard time just saying, “No, thanks, I’d rather not.” Instead, I say something like, “Wow I really, really wish I could but I have to go to this awful dinner party that I really wish I didn’t have to go to.” And then the person inevitably says something like, “You poor thing! Well, if you get out of your dinner party, please come over.” And then I feel like a total snob for bagging on a dinner party that I actually do really want to go to or, even worse, having made up the dinner party in the first place.
So this week, I am trying to refrain from saying things that are untrue, mean, hurtful, bitchy, or meaninglessly negative. (Keyword: meaningless)
I consulted with my team of advisors, and they agreed to one exception:
I can say whatever I want, if it’s funny. Because if it’s funny, then, it becomes art. And art trumps Buddhism every time.
