I have a nasty habit that stems from my phobia of confrontation and my fear-based 6 personality. When someone in my life is bugging me, I find it very challenging to go straight to the source. Instead, I tend to act out sideways by bitching heavily to my cadre of besties.
I rely on them for their opinions, their backup, and their support. But this weekend, I realized that I am committing a sort of spiritual self-violence by not simply trusting my own judgment.
Actually, this is something that I’ve known in the way back of my mind for a very long time. But awareness doesn’t always bring immediate change, sadly. This week—already Week Eleven of The Artist’s Way—I came up against a powerful instance of synchronicity in the form of a blood pressure-raising confrontation with one of my very best friends.
Basically, she wanted to know why I didn’t just come straight to her when I was having a problem with her. Instead she suspected that I was complaining about her behind her back.
She was right. I was.
At the end of every Artist’s Way week, we do a check-in, and one of the questions is, “Have you noticed any issues that are significant for your recovery?” Well, this is a big one.
Not coincidentally, we just started in on the Metta (Loving Kindness) practice in my Dharma course. With Metta practice, your responsibility is to practice compassion and unconditional love toward absolutely everyone. In the world. In theory, that is.
It’s a practice, and obviously not something that’s possible for us mere mortals in every moment. But, at least during the twenty minutes you are meditating—and ideally beyond—you practice practicing it.
When my friend busted me for being a sideways complainer, I realized that I’ve been doing her, and myself, a great spiritual disservice by not practicing Metta with her.
So, here’s my commitment: from here on out, I’m going practice going straight to the source when I have something to say.
You can consider that a declaration.
