The (not so) Noble Truth of Suffering

In my Buddhism class, we are very focused on suffering in regard to the Noble Truths.

I got a great opportunity to witness my mind’s own unique brand of suffering this week.

I have a place that is my go-to spot for alone time, reflective time, soul searching time, et al.: Tennessee Beach in the Marin Headlands. I often hike out there by myself and sit on the leg-swinging bench and contemplate life and whatnot. Just a few weeks ago, I went on an exhilarating, height-fear-defying climb on the hill to the right of the beach, and surveyed the world from way up high.

But last weekend while I was out there, something awful happened.

A really beautiful, creative, much loved 17-year old girl named Alicia Lee apparently fell to her death from the cliff I had been standing on a few weeks ago. She was camping with friends overnight, and she simply disappeared into the darkness. It took them a few days to find her body in the great Pacific. She had drifted north to Muir Beach… another of my soul spots.

I didn’t know Alicia Lee, but I did indeed run with the suffering on this one. It’s so easy to feel empathy for other people, isn’t it? I was spun out for a good several days. Vowed never to go to Tennessee Beach again, vowed never to go anywhere involving heights again, cried for her family, felt simply awful for her friends. Obsessed over the news reports, and had bad dreams.

In the end, the truth is, I didn’t know Alicia Lee. And I had to get back on my horse. So I did, with my friend Aaryn, on Monday night.

We got a late start at dusk. Tennessee Valley was appropriately mysterious and gloomy. On the walk back, everything was a haunting utter green. The coyotes were screaming in the not-so-far distance. The owls were maniacal. We were the only human beings on the trail.

I’d like to say that I felt Alicia Lee’s spirit out there. But the truth is, I only felt my own experience of suffering… and letting go of suffering.

Because the truth is, I’m fine.