I just finished up 3 straight months of a fascist eating program courtesy of my insightful and talented acupuncturist, I went cold turkey off coffee and tea, sugar, alcohol, gluten, dairy, vinegar, soy, potatoes, tomatoes, and peppers. Among other things. I also took Chinese herbs three times a day for three months, swallowed a handful of acidophilus pills every morning, got needles stuck up in me weekly, did yoga regularly (yup), started hiking more, journaled every day, and just generally took immaculate and spectacular care of myself.
Now that I am wrapping up this program, people in my life are asking me how I feel. “You must feel amazing,” they say.
The truth is, I don’t feel that much more amazing than I did before — which was far from amazing. (What is the opposite of “amazing”?) My size 6 jeans still don’t fit by a long shot; I still get a stomachache every single time I get anxious (which is always); yoga still feels like torture; I still can’t walk straight up a hill without getting winded and really irritable. I still need 10 hours of sleep a night and feel like I have the flu if I don’t get it. I still get nasty PMS and I still feel mildly congested and sinusy most of the time.
On the other hand, I did learn some things about myself:
- I am not lactose intolerant (huge relief, as cheese is basically the only thing I live for).
- I feel like a better person without alcohol in my life.
- I like the way coffee smells far better than the way it makes my stomach feel.
- I have insane self-control and determination.
- I basically rock.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get a coffee milkshake.
Very interesting. Enjoy the milkshake!
Yu DO rock, I absolutely love reading your column. This one really gave me an out loud chuckle, and I could use more of that in my life 🙂 Thank you.
Can I ask what did you eat?
Thanks for your honest review of how you felt when you were done!!
That doesn’t surprise me at all. There’s no reason to cut out any of that stuff, and at least you can rest assured that most cheese contains little to no lactose (same with yogurt).
I also wouldn’t heed the word of an acupuncturist (or see one at all!). But hey, to each his or her own.
To answer Daniela, it was actually really easy to eat as long as I cooked for myself. Going out to eat was basically impossible. I ate a lot of rice, meat, beans, green veggies, almond butter, and herbal tea. It wasn’t that bad. But, I’m glad it’s over!
Have you ever been tested for allergies? Mildly congested and sinus-ey all the time doesn’t sound like something you should have to live with. Maybe you’re allergic to something in your environment. I have also found taking 2000 iu’s of vitamin D3 super helpful for leveling out my emotions and making me feel better all around.
I for sure have allergies. For one, I’m definitely allergic to my cats. That doesn’t stop me from burying my face in their fur at least every day. What are you gonna do?