Things I Learned in Eastern Europe
September 10th, 2009
- Hungarians are very, very proud of their history and their culture. They will always ask you if you like “this and that”. The only appropriate answer is that it’s the best “this or that” you’ve ever, ever had. Even if it’s a mealy plum from the farmer’s market. Organic is not the word here, and the farmers are lucky just to own their land back.
- One thing the Hungarians do surprisingly well: wine. Especially a little treat they like to call “Bull’s Blood” (Egri Bikavér)– one of the best red wines I’ve ever had which, miraculously, did not give me a hangover.
- A “gay pride parade” in Hungary entails zero gay people and no actual parade, but does require a battalion of super macho police outfitted in full military regalia, patrolling the streets in tanks with guns fully visible, just to prove the military might of the post-Soviet government.
- In Budapest, to be a vegetarian is considered something between an embarrassment and an affliction. Since fish are not considered to be meat (they don’t have legs, duh), seafood is referred to as “fruit”, and, for all practical purposes, cheese is considered a vegetable, it is barely possible to order a vegan meal. If you do manage, you’ll get a lot of dirty looks and perplexed inquiries.
- Eye contact is simply not done. Unless you are a German tourist in my hotel, in which case, inappropriate staring is status quo.
- Although Eastern Europeans come across as cold and disinterested (a quality I admire and which comes naturally to me), they are quite friendly once you break them in. It takes ferocious, unwavering perseverance.
- Never, ever clink beer glasses in a toast. This is considered barbaric. It’s fine with wine and Unicum, though.
- Absinthe is perfectly disgusting and is generally served with a flaming sugar drip, not so much to add sweetness, but to distract you from the flavor. You’re more concerned with your face catching on fire than the burning sensation in your throat.
- Here’s a look that’s really popular in Eastern Europe among the ladies: cheap white bra underneath a halter top. Hot.
- Hungarians like to shout. I already knew this one, actually.
- If you ask an Eastern European person where to find a place, they will say, “It’s right over there…” with a condescending wave of the hand. Much walking, map translating and deductive reasoning later, you may or may not find it. If you do find it, there will be some sort of ridic intricate procedure to actually buy a ticket to get into it. Due to the prolonged Soviet influence (I can only suspect), Hungarians are very fond of waiting in lines.
- Hungarians are a noble people. Through history, they have been repeatedly stabbed in the back by the Nazis, the Soviets, the elite echelon of secret Jewish rulers, the Americans, the British…. so you’ll excuse them if they don’t subscribe to the history we read about in books. They have their own version of history, and I have to say, it’s pretty convincing, and satisfyingly tragic. When you see the full moon rise over the Danube, you get it.
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Hey, I’am glad you home safe and sound,love you David