Things I Wish I Didn’t Know

I am a smart girl. I always got good grades in school and can usually figure out moderately challenging mind puzzles (as long as they don’t involve numbers or require an attention span). However, there are some things I would have prefered to remain dumb about, thanks. For example:

That when you drink Diet Coke, it metabolizes into formaldehyde in your body, which, as a colleague pointed out, is good for halting the aging process, but maybe not so great for the liver. The acupuncturist who told me this horrible thing basically destroyed my number one guilty pleasure for the rest of my life. I tried to shrug it off and be all, “I know that” and “so what?” but the truth is, the Diet Coke I was drinking when she informed me of this monstrous terribleness did not taste so good. It tasted kind of like embalming fluid, actually.

That you can get ringworm from tanning beds. I’ll take my chances with skin cancer, but ringworm? No thanks. I’m really not sure what I’m supposed to do about my S.A.D. now. Thanks a lot, V.

That Glee is actually a really cute and funny show. I wish I didn’t know this, and, more importantly, I wish I didn’t admit it so freely.

I don’t really miss childhood much, but I do miss that time in my life when I was blissfully ignorant of these sorts of things. I am pretty confident that dumber people are generally happier. And ordinarily I could come up with a lot more examples, but I have a blazing head cold of the sort that makes your brain disintegrate into mushy slop. (Speaking of dumbness.)

You know what I am stoked to know about? This t-shirt:

My friend Stirling promised to order me one so I can wear it to Whole Foods Mill Valley every day. Thank you Stirling!