Things go off the rails in December for most people, and as a result, January is a recoup month. We all tend to bunker down and settle in, and for my freelance writing business, that means it’s often my slowest month. Clients aren’t necessarily launching new projects; they’re too busy just trying to cope.
When my project roster slows down, I occasionally debase myself to cruise the Craig’s List job ads. You never know when the perfect project opportunity might be lurking out there. Never mind that in all my time as a freelance marketing writer in San Francisco — about six years now — I have landed exactly one project through Craig’s List, and it was the worst client I ever had. Cruising Craig’s List has mostly been an exercise in degradation.
Once, I saw this little gem:
In case you can’t read the tiny type, here is a replay, all typos hers:
WRITING / GENERAL ASSISTANT WANTED
Retired Professor seeks an engaging and detail-oriented assistant to help in a variety of tasks. The writing/general assistant will help the retired Professor in the writing process of her second book, as well as light chores around the house and driving the Professor to appointments.
This is a part-time job, 20-25/hours a week. The candidate should be flexible, curious about world affairs and good at working with people. The Professor is active in her church and community and enjoys walking and exercising.
Yes that’s right; this woman is looking to hire a writer-slash-maid. Someone who can help her with her “writing process”—a rarified concept that it would take a mountaintop guru to facilitate—but also drive her around, take care of “light chores,” and also, by the way, prioritize “world affairs.”
When I saw this ad on Craig’s List, I started laughing, thinking about the magical day when I will be able to afford to hire a combination writing assistant / chauffer / maid of my own. Oh the fun we will have, me and my poorly paid muse. We’ll watch tv and she’ll feed me bon bons (whatever those are) while she simultaneously does my laundry, squeak-cleans my floors and also single-handedly inspires my New York Times Bestseller.
Perhaps then I will begin to refer to myself in the third person as The Writer.
Fucking loved this one. Simply delightful.