I loathe middle seats on airplanes. I know that no one likes them, but you guys, I really, really can’t handle them. I had an aisle seat booked on my flight yesterday, but American Airlines had other ideas. (How much I hate American Airlines could be the subject of a whole nother post — nay, epic book.) While seething and pouting my way through this endless, soul-crushing flight, I came up with a great new idea that I want to float by y’all. What if, instead of asking you what seat you want, the airline made you choose which type of person you are:
PLEASE CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
1. I have narcolepsy. I fall asleep the moment I sit in an airplane seat. I slump forward and go into a coma for the entire duration of the flight. The only time I might possibly wake up is if the “fasten seat belts” sign is on or we are actively landing. I get really annoyed when someone asks me to move so they can pee. (These people get the middle seat and aren’t allowed to complain.)
2. I am the type of naive flower who still thinks it’s a novelty to look out the window while landing and taking off. I actually listen to the flight attendant when he announces our route over the intercom, and yes, I care that we are flying over the Rockies and might get a glimpse of some dumb inlet or some sheep down there. I never have to pee. (These people get the window.)
3. I have to pee at least every 15 minutes even when severely dehydrated, and more often if I feel trapped, so will be asking the people next to me to move constantly unless you put me in an aisle seat.
Bet you can guess which one I am.
P.S. Virgin America? None of this applies to you. You guys are great.
