Spoiler alert: If you have not yet seen Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 (“Forever is only the beginning!”) and plan to, you might not want to read this just yet. Otherwise, these are the top ten most embarrassing things about the fact that I went to see the latest Twilight movie this past weekend.
1
Having to walk up to the ticket booth and say “two tickets for the Twilight movie, please,” and then using my telepathy-slash-paranoia to read her mind as she thought: “Wow, you’re definitely 40, and this is what you’re doing on a Saturday night?”
2
When the ticket-taker asked us “Team Edward or Team Jacob?” (just before I punched him in the throat).
3
When the lady in line behind me at the Kabuki ordered a “Team Edward,” which apparently was a special drink they were serving at the bar that night. I was embarrassed for HER in this case, but still. I got a Diet Coke.
4
That the only people in the theater were us and a bunch of serious girl-nerds who actually have an opinion on “Team Edward” versus “Team Jacob.”
5
That said girl nerds spent the movie shouting things out at the screen during sex scenes as if we were at Rocky Horror Picture Show and giggling maniacally until Leslie had to tell them to STFU (which she gracefully waited until I was in the bathroom to do because she knows I get anxious about confrontation).
6
Having to later explain to Leslie the creepy innuendo behind a sexzy werewolf “imprinting” on an infant vampire baby. Gross.
7
That I did kind of like this movie, just like I liked all the others, which I also saw in the theater.
8
That I have clearly tipped over the edge into sad unrecoverable spinsterhood.
9
That all the street cred I got for never having seen an entire episode of Sex & The City is now out the window.
10
I ran out of ideas so I asked Leslie for #10. She said I should be embarrassed that I bothered to instigate a conversation with her on the way home about whether or not the baby was a vampire baby or human baby, and then when she said human baby, I said that doesn’t make sense, since it had to drink human blood IN UTERO to survive, at which point she said, “Really? That doesn’t make logical sense to you? But the rest of the movie and the entire franchise does?”
