In early October Leslie and I went to a few Litquake events including Litcrawl, an annual pubcrawl in San Francisco where the literati and the literarily inclined stroll from Mission bar to Mission bar in the name of reading. At one point we happened upon this scene in Clarion Alley:
Contestants were vying for the Muni Haiku Battle title and the audience was choosing winners who could complain about San Francisco’s public transportation the most artfully. We got caught up in the spirit of whining in lyrical verse, so we came up with our own:
Tactful Haikus About Petty Grievances
Why do you call me
When texting is the sole way
I tolerate you
………………….
When you feel less pain
And flush your extra killers
It makes my heart hurt
………………….
Crack ho on the bus
Grazed my shoulder with her crotch
And now I have it
………………….
Bounced baby so much
He upchucked all on my face
Tasted bestie’s milk
………………….
S.N.A.G.S. be on your toes
If I see your ponybun
I will cut it off
(This one is dedicated to Vanessa Fiola)
………………….
Hey Cali drivers
When it’s your turn at a stop
Fucking drive your car
………………….
When given the choice
I’d rather pee in my pants
Than a Honey Pot
