If you ever want to test your self-esteem to its absolutely threshold of resiliency, I highly recommend becoming an Internet writer, particularly on Elephant Journal, which for some reason seems to draw out the worst in unaccountable anonymous commentators. I’ve been called a lot of things by various and many complete strangers over the last few months.
According to the populace over at Ele, I am:
- Selfish
- Childish
- Inauthentic
- Judgmental
- Cowardly
- Egomaniacal
- Extremely self-absorbed
- A terrible pet parent unworthy of having cats
- A criminal for letting my cats go outside (yes, literally, a criminal)
- An unethical meat eater
- A horrible friend lacking in compassion and basic human decency
- A psychopath
- A sociopath
- A “whiny yoga instructor” (I’m not any kind of yoga instructor, actually, but I don’t want to nitpick)
I have several ex-boyfriends who I’m sure would agree with all of the above.
But yup, I have to confess, it hurts my feelings on occasion. It’s true, dear readings of Elephant, I have feelings. Which I guess rules me out as a sociopath/psychopath. Borderline personality disorder, maybe?
Still, in my darkest moments of writerly self-loathing, I can’t help but think of this timeless poem by Mary Oliver:
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
