If you ever want to test your self-esteem to its absolutely threshold of resiliency, I highly recommend becoming an Internet writer, particularly on Elephant Journal, which for some reason seems to draw out the worst in unaccountable anonymous commentators. I’ve been called a lot of things by various and many complete strangers over the last few months.
According to the populace over at Ele, I am:
- Selfish
- Childish
- Inauthentic
- Judgmental
- Cowardly
- Egomaniacal
- Extremely self-absorbed
- A terrible pet parent unworthy of having cats
- A criminal for letting my cats go outside (yes, literally, a criminal)
- An unethical meat eater
- A horrible friend lacking in compassion and basic human decency
- A psychopath
- A sociopath
- A “whiny yoga instructor” (I’m not any kind of yoga instructor, actually, but I don’t want to nitpick)
I have several ex-boyfriends who I’m sure would agree with all of the above.
But yup, I have to confess, it hurts my feelings on occasion. It’s true, dear readings of Elephant, I have feelings. Which I guess rules me out as a sociopath/psychopath. Borderline personality disorder, maybe?
Still, in my darkest moments of writerly self-loathing, I can’t help but think of this timeless poem by Mary Oliver:
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Awesome. I totally needed to hear that poem today. You needed to hear it Saturday night. Being true to yourself can be a lonely road. Good for you. Fuck ‘em all.
thank you for this poem and your authentic post. really spoke to me, feeling low today. remembering that i am my own best friend.
sweet Joslyn, absolutely and fantastically original and unique is what you are to me! And a great friend. A great cook. A great writer. A fierce observer of self. A great cat mom. And on and on…
I love you, and I loved the poem! Let’s all keep trekking on the road through life holding dear our souls.
Anna
I love. love, love that poem! I am selfish, judgmental, a total criminal (I PUT my cats outside if they won’t go) and actually am a whiny yoga instructor. Now if I can write like you I will fully embrace all that! The Elephant crowd (readers and many writers) is a little bit all of those things too….like Oprah says…you spot it, you got it. THere is also, in every batch of comments, a little to a lot of crazy woven in. Don’t let it bother you (and yes, it would bother me if I were the one receiving the comments)
Lovely. Am reminded of the addage: The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind don’t matter. Ironically, today is National Appreciate the Elephant Day.
I agree – wonderful poem
I love all of you. Needed some affirmation. What can I say, we can’t always be totally self-sufficient when it comes to our self-esteem… even if we ARE self-involved, selfish, self-centered, whiny narcissists!
Oh my, that poem… chills up the spine.
All those who made the negative comments do not know the Joslyn that I know. You are kind, loving, loyal, giving, truthful, funny, smart, self deprecating, beautiful……. (the list goes on and on)
Joslyn,
you’re definitely one of my favourite writers on Elephant, I think you’re real, honest and so entertaining !
And I’m sure hundreds of people enjoy your posts as much as I do. It’s just that the approving crowd doesn’t necessarily have the time to comment. So don’t let a few negative and judgemental people bring you down and please keep writing.