“There’s a subtle, yet significant, difference between leaving our jobs, friends, and romances because we’re complete, and staying with them because of the fear that there is nothing else for us.” — Gregg Braden
I’m currently editing an ebook about Change Management for a tech client. It’s cute because I am undergoing my own change management process at the same time. As I get ready to leave the Bay Area and head into the wild frontier of suburban Utah, I’ve been thinking a lot about the leaving process and how best to navigate it.
I was talking to a mentor recently and she said “There are two styles of leaving. One style is aversion: you push everything and everyone away so you don’t get sad about leaving it behind. The other style is clinging: you feel sad and nostalgic before you even go.” I said, “What about the third style: just going away quietly?” She said that’s not a thing. Oh well.
One of my closest friends recently told me that I’m not acting depressed enough about leaving, and that it is hurting his feelings. While he is the only one who has expressed this verbally, I get the sense that other friends have a similar sentiment. I am supposed to be distraught. I am supposed to be despondent. I am leaving behind the best friends I’ve ever had, people who have had my back, people with whom I’ve had countless adventurous, trekked hundreds of miles of trails, eaten literal tons of incredible Bay Area food, road tripped up and down the coast, eaten Oysters Bingo at the Buckeye innumerable times. These are people who get me, and I will miss them dearly.
Yet, strangely, I am not sad to be leaving. This is because I am both a romantic and pragmatist. I am a romantic in the sense that I am willing to build an entire life around a man I love, despite all odds, despite all obstacles. And I am a pragmatist because I realize that in doing so, I must leave so much behind.
Ultimately, I believe in the forward march of progress. And that there is something else for me. That doesn’t discount what I already have, here in the Bay Area. But it is time.
