Day 3: Getting Over Myself

I’m taking part in a 30-day writing challenge. See Kale & Cigarettes for details and the Facebook Group to read stories by other 500-words-ers.

The other day I went to the zoo with the girls. I love taking the girls on field trips they are completely unaware are happening and will never remember. In all honesty I normally wouldn’t go to the zoo, because I love animals, therefore hate the zoo, but a local friend was taking her son and his doppelganger, so I decided to tag along.

As soon as we met up and started walking the zoo grounds, my friend felt compelled to tell me that she used to not believe in zoos, before she had kids, and that she has really had to convince herself they are okay. She sounded like she was apologizing to me and hoping I wasn’t judging her for now being a “zoo person,” and I appreciated that, because I feel the exact same way: like if I admit I go to the zoo, I have to explain that I really don’t believe in going to the zoo, it’s just that…

There are so many things I have had to just get over myself about while pregnant and being a mom of young babies.

• I have had to get over my snobbery about using microwaves.
• I have had to get over myself about formula, binkies, and baby clothes that are made in China.
• I have had to conquer my deeply held belief that I would wither up and die without at least 9 hours of sleep every single night (wow, have I really had to get over that one).
• I’ve had to get over my conviction that babies should never be left to cry for more than a hot minute (because: twins!).
• I’ve had to get over my initial decision to sleep them exclusively in their cribs. Sometimes, when it’s 3 in the morning and I’m tired and I just need to be horizontal, I pull one or both of them into bed with me to breastfeed, and we fall asleep for the rest of the night. And by “sometimes,” I mean every single night.
• I’ve had to get over my promise to myself, once I turned 40, that I would wear mascara every single time I leave the house (or a bra, for that matter).

There are a few things that I still haven’t gotten over myself about, and I am clinging to them, but just barely, and only most of the time. I must confess that the other day at the zoo I had an enormous Diet Coke out of a disposable Styrofoam cup covered with lurid pictures of dinosaurs. I would have gone back to the zoo cafeteria for some o’ that delicious looking fried food, but the lines were too long and I ran out of time.

It’s probably just a coincidence, but the girls slept terribly that night. Still, were I to be in the position again, I would probably make the same choice to drink zoo soda. I get to the end of every day and think well, I drank diet soda, watched tv while I was breastfeeding, ate seven chocolate chip cookies, and forgot to exercise again, but hey! We’re all alive! And I feel pretty good about that.

And just for the record, the zoo was really fun.