I am on a very strict and somewhat joyless food plan by mandate of my acupuncturist, the brilliantly talented Caylie See, L.Ac. of Acupuncture Kitchen in San Francisco. She got sick of my whining about always having a stomachache and decided to fix me. She gave me a 6-page typed-out plan that outlines food suggestions along with things I can’t eat; prohibits me from going near sugar, caffeine, alcohol, dairy, gluten, or nightshade vegetables (among other things); and insists that I get 30 minutes of “quiet time” a day. (My whole life is quiet time, so I checked that one right off.)
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I’m not a fan of cleanses, having previously tried all of them — The Master Cleanse (Really? You want me to drink sugar all day long? That doesn’t raise any red flags for you?), the Liver Cleanse, various intestinal cleanses and colonics programs, wheatgrass bootcamp, starvation cleanses, the Type-O diet, Atkins. Not to mention that I excelled at anorexia nervosa for most of my pre-teen years. (There were months in there where I would only eat jellybeans and yogurt. Ask Judith.)
But I trust Caylie, and I was feeling desperate to make a shift, so I promised to acquiesce to her instructions for three months, no questions asked. So far? It’s been awesome.
For starters, getting off caffeine is one of the most empowering first world activities one can undertake. I am sleeping like a lamb these days. Cutting sugar out of my life has been hard, but rewarding. I feel lots better. Although, I crave strange things, like butterscotch pudding. And it’s kind of sad that the way I indulge these days is a $6 pressed green juice that I can drink in under a minute.
All in all, the shiz is working. Who knew that all I had to do to get rid of my stomachaches was stop eating almost everything, get off black tea, choke down Chinese herbs that taste like dirt three times a day, swallow billions of microscopic probiotics every morning, trek an hour each way to get acupuncture once a week, and drink so much water that I need a catheter? No probs.
Just to be really clear, this fascist food plan I’ve been on since January 1st has nothing to do with New Year’s Resolutions. My New Year’s Resolution — in keeping with my philosophy of only making New Year’s Resolutions that I would already be doing anyway, was to see more movies this year. I’m doing pretty great at that. I’ve seen almost everything that’s worth seeing in the theaters right now, and some of the things twice.
Congrats on finding a diet that works for you. The only thing else you need in your cleanse is some good old fashioned yoga wisdom. Best taken in small quantities, though.
It’s a shame that you had to cut back on nightshade vegetables, though. Belladonna goes great in a stir fry, although you usually only get to taste it once.
Dubious. This looks similar to the diet I fed my box turtle for a while. On a scale of 1 to “able to leap tall buildings in a single bound” ….. if the results of this approach anything above an 8 (one story buildings and tall shrubs) for you…please advise and I will take cooking yams and actually eating them under consideration.
Plus, question. I love my coffee. I already sleep like a baby, with the coffee….do I really need to give that up? If it were a choice between the coffee and the vodka……which way should I go? I need at least one drug in my life at all times or I am convinced gravity will reverse itself and I will fall from the planet’s surface.
PS….I finally figured out how to set my blog up so you can follow me! (Don’t rat me out to my Luddites Anonymous group…)
It always comes back to you as a consumer. If you want to live a long life, one must know when to stop eating fast food. Moderation is the key. You can not have burgers and fries at all times. If you can not stay away from fast food, check out the other side of the menu. Instead of a Big Mac, why not ask for a regular burger? If a regular hamburger is not good enough for you, just keep accessories such as cheese, bacon, salsa or mayonnaise. Other modules can be tasty without fat, such as onions, lettuce, tomato, pickles and mustard. Jump toppings on your pizza. Even if a slice of chocolate cake makes your mouth water, better ask for a low-fat yogurt or ice cream for dessert. Finally, forget the promotion of migration. You will save calories and save some money.
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