The Rules of Ice Cream Season

Ice cream season is upon us! An argument I frequently have with my husband is whether ice cream is, in fact, sugar. I mean, obviously it has sugar in it, but it’s wholesome sugar. You guys are with me, right?

He does not necessarily agree. And not because he is against sugar, but because I am and he thinks I am a hypocrite. But I grew up thinking ice cream cones are the ultimate New England summer treat, and I stand by that conviction. It’s cold! It’s creamy! It’s homemade!

There is a killer ice cream place in our town called the Blueberry Haus. It’s right off the main country road that leads to our house, and aside from delicious ice cream, it checks all the boxes:

• Picnic tables with umbrellas

• Child-sized goldfish pond

• Piped in bluegrass music

• Utility sink for hosing chocolate off 4-year-olds

To me, it’s just common sense that we would take advantage of this. But I get a lot of questions. So I thought I would take the opportunity to clear them up here.

How often is it acceptable to eat ice cream?

Personally, I feel that once a week is a baseline rhythm for getting ice cream in the summer. More than once a week is indulgent, but definitely not out of the question. If you’re on Cape Cod, every day is acceptable, as long as you are also eating lots of high-fat lobster rolls and deep-fried seafood dishes from literal shacks.

What about eating ice cream at home?

Unless you are under 30 and your metabolism hasn’t slowed down and you are prone to self-indulgent fits of misanthropy and misery (I wouldn’t know anything about that), Ben & Jerry’s is out of the question.

It has to be homemade.

Homemade ice cream has its own category of frequency. If you make homemade ice cream, it’s acceptable to eat it every day for a certain number of days. Then you must revert to homemade popsicles.

Sidebar: I can still get away with freezing water in a popsicle mold and calling it a popsicle. Probably my last summer for that trick.

Creamies?

Now, let’s talk about soft-serv, aka the almighty creamie. Soft-serv is not good for you; I am not going to argue. It’s some sort of chemical cocktail that goes into a machine and comes out as bona fide ambrosia. But soft-serv is so good that it’s exempt from all standing nutrition rules — but only between Memorial Day and Labor Day, and only from roadside stands.

I do draw the line at having ice cream more than once a day. I am not ridiculous.

Any more questions?

What I’m reading:

How the Hanseroth twins and Brandi Carlile became a Grammy-storming ‘misfit’ family

Speed-reading my way through Waking Up White (and Finding Myself in the Story of Race).

What I’m listening to:

Bucket list item: Saw Brandi Carlile perform at the Shelburne Museum on Friday.

Also deeply immersed in Season 1 of Uncover: The Village about the sex-slave cult NXIVM. Ex-Baptisters — pay attention to this one!

What I’m working on:

Writing things for various clients about how the new paradigm in customer service is a fine balance of automation and human empathy, why rideshare is a secret weapon for event creators hoping to attract more VIP attendees, and what Europe has to offer startups and venture investors above and beyond the status quo of Silicon Valley.