Valerian root is bullshit. Recently, in an attempt to stop being inexplicably awake until midnight every night even though I am usually woken up between 4 and 5 every morning by my toddler daughters, I ordered some fancy valerian-root-laced tea from Mountain Rose Herbs. It’s very beautiful tea, exquisite even. I could get lost in admiring its verdant petals and elegant leaves for days. I transferred it to a glass jar with a cork lid in order to more easily admire its verdurous beauty on the counter. Too bad it doesn’t make me sleepy.
I’ve always been like this. I can’t sleep between the hours of 8pm and midnight. I can count on one hand the number of times in the last few years I’ve fallen asleep before the pumpkin hour, and they probably all involved mixing Benadryl with wine. (I know, it’s fine; don’t judge until you’ve been a mom of twins please.)
As I’m typing this, it’s 10:38 and I’m in bed drinking the last cold dregs of the Valerian tea I brewed nearly two hours ago. When I brewed it, I was already super sleepy and didn’t think I would even need it. Then my old foe, second wind, stopped by, like he does every night.
So I flipped through the New York Times with my headlamp on. I scanned another useless advice book on getting toddlers to nap. I texted several friends. Posted a latergram. Got up to have a few salty crackers with Cowgirl Creamery cheese. A small piece of chocolate. Brushed my teeth again. Panicked about a weird blemish on my arm that I’m convinced is cancer even though it appeared less than a week ago. Conferred with my husband about the rules of presidential succession and the current POTUS lunacy. FaceTimed with our stepdaughter to check out her new puppy. Chatted with Jon about how to get our kids to start napping for their mom, seriously. Peed 12 to 14 times. Contemplated whether I have bad allergies or the world’s most slow-moving cold. Resisted watching HBO on the iPad. Gave my needy cat some attention.
I feel compelled to mention here that I do not have insomnia. I have no problem sleeping during my natural window, which is 12 to 9—provided I’m not woken up by a toddler appearing at my side like an apparition in the night, or maudlin tears from the other room. I don’t have insomnia; I’m a nocturne.
Over the decades I’ve tried many times to shift this pattern. For school, for college, for jobs, for yoga and the sake of all that is good and holy. And now, for kids. It’s been a no-go. Everyone has their advice, and everyone has their miracle remedies. I’ve tried them all.
Sometimes I call my dad at noon, east-coast time, and he is just waking up. My mom typically sleeps until 9 when she is staying with us, despite the racket directly above her head. It’s genetic, I am convinced. Unfortunately, I did not pass that gene on to my daughters.
The morning after I drafted this post in Evernote, I woke up to a gleeful toddler jumping up and down on top of me, so happy to see me, despite the fact that it wasn’t even light out yet.
Happy spring.
You need a specific enzyme to process valerian and if you don’t have it it doesn’t work or worse, works in an oppositional fashion. Never worked for me, in fact, I become somnambulistic.
There’s a GREAT website cet.org that has some fabulous research on sleep and sleep cycles. I started doing some of the practices recommended and it has shifted sleep for me. After Sophia was born my sleeping went to hell in a hand basket. I learned from this site that I was doing just the opposite of what I thought I should do with light exposure in the evening. Just goes to show I actually don’t know everything….
Alice, this explains so much!!!!! Thank you for telling me! When i can’t sleep tonight between 8 and midnight I will read that site!
I thought Benadryl and wine was what you used to get toddlers to nap not moms?
i agree. i think it smells yucky too.